And the day came. ( A nod to Anais Nin)

     On October 3rd, I walked into my office building as an employee for the last time. I spent the day finishing end of the quarter submissions, e-mailing review documents, saying goodbye to people and being incredibly and intensely terrified. By the time 5:00 p.m. rolled around I felt like I was on a coffee buzz on steroids. I was jittery and couldn't hold a good conversation; my eyes were each a mile wide. I was scared of what I was doing but each time I thought about staying there I could feel that it was not aligned with where I needed to be.  
     I had been one of the youngest managers in the company and was making a very comfortable salary with full benefits. I could see my future there before me and I knew I had the skills to continue moving up and increasing my income. I knew I could be successful there for the long-term and that it would be a smart career to support myself and a future family but, when it came down to it, the thought of waking up in 20 years and still being there was disheartening. The stability was no longer enticing. I knew I wanted something different. The problem was I didn't know what that something looked like. Every time I tried to figure it out I became overwhelmed with the possibilities, so I stayed where I was.      
     I felt there were so many directions that I could turn in and I heard everyone else's opinions in my head. I knew I had a good thing and I knew a lot of people would think I was crazy for giving it up with no plan of what I was doing next. But, I also knew that if I could just choose one direction to move in that I would succeed. I had a confidence growing inside of me that I was going to be okay no matter what I decided to do. I had all this experience and an MBA to fall back on now. I just wasn't able to work and figure out a new direction. I couldn't manage to sit down and figure out what I wanted to do for a career. I realized that I wanted to be in a place with no commitments. I craved time to be able to get bored.  I wanted to be free to wake up each morning and do what I wanted to do, to go where I wanted to go. I didn't want anyone else in charge of my time any longer. It just didn't make sense anymore, but I had no idea how it would be possible.  

     I never forced the idea; it grew naturally out of that desire. I could feel so deeply in my core that I needed a time to be fully in charge of my life and for some reason, I actually believed that it could be done. After that, the idea of sabbatical fell into place naturally. One day, I was running over my budget and realized if I planned my savings the right way I could actually afford to take at least six months off of work. I knew I would be sacrificing the savings for other uses but this was important to me, so I made the choice and I set a date for my last day. Typically, a sabbatical means a return to the same job once it's over, but I knew if I left my job I wouldn't be coming back. This would be me clearly choosing a door to close and consciously stepping into an unknown future so I didn't tell anyone at first. I wasn't ready to risk letting their doubts become my doubts, so I kept working and let the idea create roots in my psyche. 
     As the date I set moved closer I began to tell people I trusted. First my boyfriend, and then a few close friends and family and each time I told someone I grew more confident in my plan. Before I knew it the date to give my notice at work came. I was so incredibly nervous; I was shaking and sweating and couldn't catch a deep breath, but still I knew I was doing what I needed to. I printed out inspirational quotes and took a picture of my closest friends and a crystal for courage into a conference room and called my director. The conversation could not have gone any better and I felt supported and encouraged. The more people I told, the more support I felt and when I did hear potentially negative feedback it didn't affect me because I realized they were just projecting their own fears onto my situation and they were valid fears that I had already dealt with. It was a huge sign that I was fully invested in this decision.
     That night though, I did feel untethered. Now that it was real I felt like I was floating around in this empty space. I had no idea what my future was going to look like, but I knew I had officially begun to move toward it. When I told my team I was leaving it was one of the most incredible experiences, people actually cried, and I was in awe. I knew I had built relationships with the people I worked with, but I never imagined they would be so upset at my leaving. It showed me that if I could have an impact in such a structured corporate world, that I would be able to connect with whatever I ultimately decided to do. The Universe was validating my decision, and despite the terror I felt on my last day, I still knew I was doing what was best for me. 
     That day I learned that sometimes it is good to be terrified. I stayed after everyone else left to clean out my cubicle and say goodbye in my own way to the office. I turned in my badge and looked up at the office building one last time. Six years I had been there. I remembered the first day I walked through the doors and how excited I was for a new beginning - leaving food service to join the corporate world. I thought about all the people I had met and all I had learned over the years and I felt immensely grateful for the company and everything I had gained. I drove home in awe of this moment and the fact that I was now officially and intentionally unemployed.
    Since that day, I have been doing exactly what I intended. For the past month I have been waking up knowing that the day is open to whatever I want to do. For most of October I spent that time sleeping in, watching TV, staying up late and staying in and it was awesome. It felt like one long incredible day. It felt like being a little kid during summer vacation. Since the beginning of November, I've been craving more structure and it feels really good to know that that desire came naturally and also that I get to build my own structure. The creative ideas are flowing non-stop and it feels invigorating.

      My intent now is to share a way of life. I see that we can all create our owns lives and we already are. We are already creating our lives each day, but most of us are doing it in default mode and what I want to share is how I am getting myself out of default mode. I’m choosing to actively create the life that I want to live. I have no idea what my main source of income will be after this sabbatical but I know that it will work out, because it has to. And I mean that out of a understanding that the universe is always taking care of me. I am standing in this place on my own two feet but with the support of so much more than that. Living this way is going to take a lot of trust and a lot of confidence and I'm ready for it.
     This is my story of learning to trust, accept, and embrace the power of the Universe and the power in myself. I hope you'll join me as I create the life I want to live and I hope you'll begin to create yours too, whatever that may look like for you.  

Lots of love to you!
Ashe.